Ever despair at the quailty of journalism in today's music press? Think you couldn't do any worse? Well, here's your chance to hack it out with the best and worst of them with our handy auto-review kit. Containing phrases beloved by the top writers of the day, and Melody Maker, you just enter the band name, select the pop-up menus, and Lester's your uncle.

At , it was just like all over again.were yet ; like meets in . Theof their had the impact of a falling down a . The singer's voice was while the guitar like a and the rhythm section along with an not dissimiar to . Citing as their influences and they fit neatly into the genre currently sweeping and not adequately filled since . Like on , the exuded by these onstage will stand them in good stead. For this , you can see why are by.

1. Some journalists may find option 3 useful
2. Some bands may find option 3 useful. take option 1 for better expenses.
3. Establishing your journalistic cred may show your age - be warned...
4. insert band/artist name here
5. and establish your provenance. Any journo worth his salt was 'there'
5. Getting in 'angular' may impress as it's the current buzz word, make no mistake
6. mix current 'hip' influences with 7. some more cheesey so-bad-they're-good ones
8. the 'meets' gambit is always a good way to summarise an act while impressing with you own musical savvy, but get the venue right!
9. get some adjectives in and show off your prowess with the dictionary. Or make some up!
10, what's the latest hip phrase? Make sure you're down with the Kids!
11/12. the 'falling down' gambit is a classic
13 -14. exercise your descriptive powers with the use of similies. Or is it metaphors? Onomatopoeia?
15. Animal references are always good too. People like animals.
16. Get some more new words in. Before some bastard at Q beats you to it
17. You were there, remember?
18. Get the references in, doesn't matter how shit they are as long as either the kids or NME like them!
19. Invent a new genre! Absolutely crucial if you're going to get that NME job...
20. Ah, a few classics. And of course, The Strokes...
21. Show how 'street' you are...
22. More buzz-words, can't have too many...
23-25 - Rounding it all off is the tricky bit but we help out here.

Hey, it's all just a bit of fun, right? For goodness sake. But if you REALLY want to cut out and keep your review, I dunno, take a screen dump or something.

Finally, send the completed review off to music@sundaymail.co.uk. And stop wasting our time.